I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
