Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize