just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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