dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
