Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
