Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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