I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
