If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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