Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
