to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
