There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
