he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
