whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
