I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
