Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
