I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And then he peed in my hair
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