So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
