dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
