I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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