It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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