I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
