no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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