i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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