God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
