how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
