You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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