it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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