I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
