did you get engaged???
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
