Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
