I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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