he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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