I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
