Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bring me that man meat
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
