You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
