So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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