I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
