For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
