im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
