Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
