friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
