Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize