I'm going to jail i love you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
