you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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