Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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