hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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