actually, I'm a sock model
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
