where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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