I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
