I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize