you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize