see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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