I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
