Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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