So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
