I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
