Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
