Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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