Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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