you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
