Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
