at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
