I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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