I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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