ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
