i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize