my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
