I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
