sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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