Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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