He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
