ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
