a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
