and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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