About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
